Camero on Tremont - (an attempt at fiction)

(Photo credit - Tampa Bay Times)

Craig’s List Missed Connections

I heard you coming a mile away. Tremont Street in Hingham. Def Leppard cranking. You drove by in that yellow Camaro, big engine, custom exhaust, my heart raced, then you were gone.

DM me.

CameroOnTremont

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CameroOnTremont

Yo. Was it the Metal or the Muscle? The tunes or the wheels? Could’ve been me.

Live my life by Sammy Hagar’s credo “I can’t drive 55!”

No one rocks like Halen, Leppard, Crue, Bon Jovi. Can’t live without ‘em. “Pour some sugar on me!”

The ride’s sweet too. Camero with the biggest they offer – 378 cubic inch V8 – supercharged. Can’t touch it when the light turns green. Custom pipes from Lou’s. Sweet notes of power! Gotta let people know you mean business! Clear the roads, I’m coming through!

If you’re thinking meet up send me your info.

Joey

(TightTeeJoey[at]gmail.com)

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Joey

Sounds like you might be my guy. The yellow beauty that passed me wasn’t any stock, off-the-lot, econo-engine piece of shit. All muscle under that hood! When you went by me I could hear that low growl. Thundering power! Like a tiger I could hear it growling, ready to pounce!

Living on a Prayer – that one was written for me! That song comes on and I’m with my people! Work hard. Play harder.

I’m guessing by your email address you might be my type. I’m into muscles and tight T’s. If you got ‘em, flaunt ‘em. C’mon man, us girls wanna see the pipes!

Tammy

(FastCarTam [at] gmail.com)

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Whoa! Fast Car Tammy! SWEET!

Tried to find you on the Google but only found a bunch of chicks outta Georgia, Florida. That’s not you, right? You move up from down south?

I’m all about power. Under the hood or under the shirt. Big engine, big guns. Hit the weights every day. Crank up the tunes and go! Just finished a power set of chest and arms and feeling totally jacked. Yesterday was tri’s and back, a little lat work. Prefer the chest and bicep work but you gotta work the whole body! Mine is the Temple.

Just got some tix to the Poison, Motley Crue, Guns & Roses show in August. Totally psyched! Crue is opening and GnR will close. Stoked!

Joey

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Joey

OOOOH I am so jealous! Almost got ink - a GnR rose – but in the end couldn’t come up with the cash. Oh well, Living on a Prayer!

Not much of a presence on the web. Stay away from that stuff. Craig’s List was a stretch. Don’t need pics of me flying around the internet – like to keep them private (wink).

I’m a gym rat too. Nothing like getting a good sweat going. I’m like you – if you got ‘em, flaunt ‘em. I’m the girl with the tight tank, tight shorts. Every gym’s got a girl or two like me. Gotta give the boys a reason to work out right? Show the girls you mean business. A little heartburn for those suburban moms. HA! You know what I mean?

Hey, I gotta cool idea. You ever do private photo shoots? You got a sweet car. I’m not too shabby in a ‘kini. Sunny day? Private location? You any good with a camera? Maybe get some pics (not for the internet) and …. see what happens? “I got an engine and baby she’s ready to roar”

Tammy

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Fast girl! I like that!

I know a perfect spot! Give the car a nice wax job. Sunny day. Beach setting. PRIVACY. My buddy has a kick ass camera . Crank some tunes to get the mood going. We’ll see where it goes but you will not be disappointed by what is under the hood.

Give me a week or two. I gotta fix some front-end damage. Some jackass took out a headlight. Probably done by Thursday. I’ll double buff that spot so you will look soooo good.

Joey

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Joey you got this engine running! Can’t we do the shoot on the other side? No offense but you won’t be looking at the car!

How bad is the damage? How’d it happen? Is it a whiskey dent or something more? Headlight out? Sounds more than just a bump.

I’m free Tuesday after work. Sunset? Hit the gym for a quick tune up and then I can meet you. Temps are supposed be in the 80’s so you might need to get the engine warm. Girls don’t like a cold engine you know!

I’m hot to go! Tell me where to meet you and I’ll be there ready to go (if you know what I mean).

Tammy

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Hey Tam

Just checked weather. Tuesday looks sunny and hot. Just like you!

The dent’s not bad. Headlight and a little around the quarter panel. We can shoot around it. Hood shots from the driver side and you won’t even see it. And of course the view from behind always looks good – you too I’m sure.

You might call it a whiskey dent. Some jackass Lance Armstrong was hogging the road in his frickin’ spandex tights and ten speed. Got right up on his ass and he still didn’t get the message that the road’s not big enough for him and this beast. “Share the road”? My ass. If you’re slowing me down, get outta my way! I gunned the engine. He flips me off. What? Well you know how that ended. Dickweed, flippin’ me off? I gave him another chance to get the F’ off the road with a few revs of the 6.2 liter lovefest. He doesn’t move, so I moved him. The dick’s fancy bike got stuck under the bumper for a second as Lance goes into the ditch. Didn’t stop. Just saw his sorry ass flipping away head over heels. Ha! Serves him right.

It won’t mess up the shoot.

Meet you at Whitehorse Beach. Go to the far end where they keep the guard stands off-season. Nice and private but the sunsets are unreal. I’ll make sure I get my buddy’s camera all fired up.

See you Tuesday at 6:00. Be buff! Looking forward to checking beneath the hood.

Joey

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Wednesday

Hello Joey

I’m interested to hear how your photoshoot went? Was it what you expected? I hope you looked good in your tight T-shirt, all buff and pumped up when the cops took your mug shot.

I would have been there in person but, you see, I am in the hospital recovering from a broken leg, broken arm, and two fractured vertebrae, all thanks to your nudge off the road in that distinct yellow Camaro. The doctors tell me I will be able to go home in a few weeks but the physical therapy will go on for months, maybe years.

The police tell me they recovered some blue paint off your precious car. Blue paint? Yup, a perfect match to my bike. Sorry they impounded the car. How you getting to the gym?

So Joey, I suspect we may meet IRL sometime, maybe in court, until then, I thought you might want to know that I have been treating this setback as just that, a setback. As our boys in Van Halen might say

Miss the beat, you lose the rhythm And nothing falls into place, no Only missed by a fraction Slipped a little off your pace, oh

The more things you get, the more you want Just trade in one for the other Workin' so hard, to make it easier, whoa Got to turn, c'mon turn this thing around

Right Now!

“Tammy”